CREATIVE FICTION?

Unless you're lonelier than a pair of brown loafers in a room full of tuxedos, you probably dislike cyber junk mail, or SPAM as much as I do. There are a couple of ways for spammers (people who send this unwanted, unsolicited junk mail) to find likely targets. One way is to communicate with people who don't understand the concept of BCC (Blind Carbon Copy), which eliminates visible addresses or how to highlight/delete the dozens of addresses that have collected on the latest e-mail joke they received before passing it on. Worse yet, are those who know how but simply refuse to take the extra few seconds. Even if the spammer isn't in the loop, they can still purchase hundreds of collected addresses from certain people who want to pick up a little spare change. I've heard the rate is about five-cents an address.

On the one hand, spammers that obtain addresses from personal e-mail can be admired for their initiative and the way they've learned to grasp the horns of cyber technology and squeeze them hard enough to make money. On the other hand, they're nothing but bottom feeders and their computers should be struck with a virus that melts their sim cards and mother-boards into a puddle beneath their flat-screen monitors.

But that's another subject for another time. Let's discuss the big kids: Industrial Strength spammers. They're the ones who use software "spiders" to sift through millions of web sites and collect a massive amount of "hits" or cyber addresses. Not a difficult task since the process for listing these addresses is basically the same for all sites. Sophisticated, these spiders can even be set to search for certain types of sites, which is why my church webmaster address receives dozens of e-mail each week advertising all sorts of things for the religious community. For that reason, I use the free mail service offered by Yahoo to keep this mail, and that sent to my other webs, separate from my personal mail box.

Apparently, because spammers realize that sex and religion isn't mutually exclusive, they also send the "one-size-fits-all" material aimed at men who feel the need to enlarge a certain portion of their anatomy by several inches to increase their success with women, or who feel the need for performance pills or are simply eager to meet all those good old fashioned women who are lonely, want to meet men and "click here to see pictures rate adults only". Not that I've ever looked, of course.

Along with spam that advertises the answer to every man's dream is what I like to call perfect examples of creative writing. “Dear Sir”, it usually begins, “Please pardon that I have make a contact to you. I do not have what else to do and your name was given to me.”

Whatever the specifics, the pattern is the same. Sprinkled with errors as though to emphasize that English isn’t the writer’s first language, they usually claim to be from some exotic country in Asia or Africa. The writer then goes on to explain how they're an elderly childless woman or sometimes a newly orphaned, underage male child, whose wealthy husband or father recently passed away. Since women and underage children have little or no standing in their country, they are desperate to move the sizable inheritance out of the country before it’s confiscated by a corrupt government. They believe the United States to be a secure location and will share these millions (stated as U.S. dollars) if you'll be "so kind as to help move the money -- at no risk to you, of course".

Some of these e-mail ask for your bank account number and other personal information, though lately they've become more creative and only ask that you reply. Those of you who've ever sat on a river bank and watched for your fishing bobber to go up and down know how that works. Either way, count on them being experts and know just when to set the hook. In this case, instead of a tasty catfish or bluegill dinner, they'll end up with a person's cash, credit card numbers maybe their savings before the mouthwatering temptation turns to reality.

I like to think of these e-mail as politically correct, equal opportunity scams, aimed at anyone gullible enough to let greed rule over common sense, regardless of gender, religion or race. Lately this creative writing has become even more creative and now come from people who claim to be lawyers, doctors and even banks themselves. The one thing they have in common, so far, is they all supposedly represent someone in a foreign country and all are geared to pray on people who don't know better.

At first, these were comical, because it was difficult to believe anyone would fall for such nonsense. Then a picture formed in my mind how with thousands of fishing bobbers floating in the river, the odds are that some of the baits are bound to be nibbled and some of the nibbles are going to result in a catch. Suddenly, it isn't comical any longer. Some people actually believe these scams. Unfortunately, those with the least to lose can lose the most.

Like anything else, Creative Writing can be a good thing used for bad as well as good.

Followup: These "opportunities" arrive about once a week, though are always different. The latest is supposedly from Abidjan Cote D' Ivoire, which in part roughly translates to "Ivory Coast". It's from a "barrister" sadly informing me of the death of his client. He contacted me because of the similarity of my last name to that of his client's. Since that name doesn't appear anywhere in the e-mail, it will coincidentally turn out to be Smith, Jones, Habershankhouser or anyone else's name who elects to respond. Below is one small portion of the e-mail.
"The National Electric Authority issued me a notice as the Attorney to the Deceased to provide the Next of Kin or have the Account confiscated within the Next Ten official working days since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 1 years that I have been searching, I seek your consent to present you as the Next of Kin or family member to the Deceased since you are at an advantage, bearing the same surname and equally from the same country, so that the proceeds of this remaining balance of his contract funds valued at $5.4 Million Dollars can be paid to you."
How's that for bait to dangle in front of some unsuspecting, naive, hopeful fish? Sadly, I fear some will be tempted.